»
S
I
D
E
B
A
R
«
The Courage to Change
July 28th, 2009 by Liza Wiemer

THE COURAGE TO CHANGE

By C.K., ‘08 High School Graduate

There was a time when three hundred and sixty-five days felt infinite. I eagerly anticipated every birthday and every chance to add a year on to the ones I’d already had. Those days, my sights were set so ahead of the times that I hardly realized what the times were doing to me.

Since hitting eighteen, the clock’s gone and sprouted wings. No longer thanclock-wings yesterday I was trying to figure out what college was for me, and here I am with another year in tow, still trying to get it right. Though it is difficult to conceive the distance between now and then, it is almost more difficult to conceive the amount of growth that distance has imposed.

I’ve been chasing dreams my whole life, and finally I thought I’d found the best route to get me to the place where I knew I belonged. I wasn’t counting on being wrong, but sure enough found that I was. San Francisco and fashion journalism, two long-time dreams, were finally in my pocket. I tried and tried to adjust, but time after time found that they just didn’t fit. It has been one of the most difficult things to face in my life, realizing that certainty in my gut could be so off. A step in the “wrong” direction was enough to call it quits on all that dreaming.  But kicking dreams is a harder process than anything I’ve seen on Intervention. The dreams stayed in the picture.

All this understanding is no more than a month old, and even since then, I feel like I’ve grown. There is no wrong direction because there is no map to life. All that uncertainty during the in-between time forced me to re-examine all that had once been certain. Some things still stand, while others buckled beneath all the questioning. I know now that without all that reflection, my sights would still be set too far ahead to appreciate what I could see before me.

What I see now is a chance to push myself in a way that, a year ago, I didn’t know I wanted to be pushed.  I cannot move away from art or writing. I suppose I can’t be certain about everything anymore, but there are some things that just won’t budge. Art and writing are what I have always known, and I will continue to expand my knowledge in these areas. They work together in allowing creativity’s free-flow to find form. There are messages and meaning in both.

As for my vision, my eyes have not yet adjusted for it to be crystal enough to put down on paper. That is not to say that I am without vision, because that is the one thing I am certain I do have, and have always had. I believe that my work has purpose, but I also believe that I’m still in the process of figuring out what exactly that is.


One Response  
Anna writes:
July 29th, 2009 at 7:50 pm

Nice writing C.K. I know what you mean about the b’days! You figured a lot out in a short time….. Good-luck to you.

Leave a Reply

»  Substance: WordPress   »  Style: Ahren Ahimsa
© Copyright 2020 Liza Wiemer