Riley Carney

A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE

How a Shy Teen Became a Published Author 

By Riley Carney, Age 16 – guest blogger

http://www.rileycarney.com/

Breaking the Chain – Riley Carney’s Non-Profit Organization for Literacy – http://bit.ly/5SsOsA

Over the past year and a half, my life has changed dramatically. I have gone from a shy high school sophomore who liked to write and was passionate about literacy, to a published author and the director of a full-fledged, legal nonprofit organization. I have many people to thank for what I’ve achieved, family, teachers, myself. But there was one person who played a large role in my decision to recognize my passions and take them to the next level. For the purpose of anonymity, we’ll call her Laura.

Laura had been my best friend since fourth grade. We went to different middle schools and high schools, but we had stayed close friends, and saw each other on the weekends and throughout the summers. Middle school was a particularly difficult time for me, but it didn’t matter that I didn’t fit in at school because Laura was still my friend.

THE FIRE STONE

By the time high school rolled around, I had started to write my books and I had begun my quest to combat illiteracy by creating my program, Breaking the Chain. I was still shy, but I decided that I cared a lot about trying to raise money to build a school for a village in Kenya. So, despite a shaky voice and a bad case of butterflies in my stomach, I managed to give a presentation to my entire high school during an assembly to kick off my fundraising. After a few months of selling T-shirts at school and often feeling uncomfortable with the whole exercise, I managed to raise enough money to build a school and a water purification system for the village.

I felt great about raising the money and I was determined to push forward, but there were definitely times when I felt like an outcast. There just really wasn’t a place for me in any of the groups of kids at school. I wasn’t buying into the popular party groups and I didn’t fit into the misfit groups either. It was incredibly hard to feel so out of place, but I also knew that most teenagers, even the ones who seem popular, feel very insecure inside. Besides, I knew that Laura still accepted me, and she was still my best friend. 

The summer before my sophomore year my relationship with Laura began to change. She was suddenly much less interested in being my friend and much more interested in fitting in with the cool crowd at her school.  We saw less of each other and didn’t talk as frequently.  One day I called and left a message for her.   She never called me back. As quickly and as suddenly as that, our five-year friendship had ended. I was heartbroken.

My best friend had decided that I was no longer worth her time, and for a while I was distraught. I felt very lonely and I wanted nothing more than to fade into the background so that no one would notice how alone I felt. Soon, however, I began to I realize that there weren’t any kids whose opinion about me mattered! It was a very liberating moment to recognize that I didn’t care what other kids thought of me.  It didn’t matter if I was wearing the right outfit or the right makeup or if some boy thought I was hot or if I fit into a group.  The people I respect were the opinions of me that mattered. Most of the kids at school were so concerned with fitting in that they had lost themselves and their own personalities. What was there to respect?

This new mindset allowed me to discover what I was truly capable of.  My first book was published, six more have been written, and my organization has become a legal nonprofit corporation that has made a difference in thousands of children’s lives. I also have spoken to over 3,000 kids at schools across the country, hoping to inspire them to pursue their dreams and to reach out to help others.  I’ve also have made some great new friends who are involved in not being a clone of some other kid who they think is popular.

I no longer care about what my peers think of me; I only care about what I think of myself.  And that has made all the difference in my life.

I guess I have Laura to thank for that.

A note from Liza Wiemer:  It is truly an honor to include Riley on WhoRuBlog.  She epitomizes the term “Inspiring Teen!”  If you would like to purchase an autographed copy of The Fire Stone, you can do so from her site: http://www.rileycarney.com/  In addition, her book is available through Amazon http://tiny.cc/KgiND  Find Riley on Goodreads.com – one of my most favorite book sites. http://tiny.cc/Tkv9M

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WHO CONTROLS YOUR LIFE?

Oh no, Mr. Bill! Who's intimidating you?

Dear Liza,

Love your blog.  I have a story I need to share with you.  I know a beautiful, confident, bright college student who has always been well-liked, dated guys she wanted to, and had a close circle of friends.  She had and has a lot going for her.  

After high school, she moved out-of-state for college and everything changed.  She met a guy that she fell head-over-heels for and after a few months things started going downhill.  He started to control her life – who she saw, who she talked to, where she went, and he called her cell-phone a million times a day to check up on her.  He even moved into her apartment.  He used her car and stopped working. 

Pretty soon she lost all sense of herself.  This once confident girl has no longer saw how special she was and is.  I am telling you this happened very quickly, surprised her parents, and all of her friends.  No one would have ever thought she would become prey to an abusive boyfriend, but it happened. 

She has had a happy ending.  She was able to get him to leave her apartment, and they gradually broke up.  It wasn’t easy.  Fortunately, she was able to come out of this experience with next to no physical scars – emotionally it was a lot harder. 
Just wanted to share this with you, since others can definitely learn from it.

Best, BH  

This story is a very important one, not just because this scenario happens every day, but also because it epitomizes a key problem for a lot of us.  Nearly everyday I interact with people who are struggling with feeling out-of-control, vulnerable, or victimized.  I’ve experienced it too.  Getting out of these situations are not easy, but it can – no – it must be done!

Who or what is consuming your life?  Are your thoughts, conversations, and emotional wellbeing focused on negative interactions?  If yes, you have little or no control over your personal power. 

Are you sitting down, ‘cause I have EARTH SHATTERING NEWS! Lol! You’re a human being, not an alien, not an angel, not perrrfect!  We’re here on earth to grow, to make a difference, to change our lives for the better, and help others.

Don’t give away your personal power. 

Don’t give away your personal power.

Don’t give away your personal power.

Here’s the thing.  The minute we start seeing ourselves as less than someone else, when we live in fear, or when we are overtly critical of others, we give away our personal power.  Someone else consumes our thoughts, emotions, energy – and the direction we ultimately take in life can be deeply influenced by our perceptions.

Scenario 1 – You have a friend who is critical of almost everything you do – what you wear, who you date, where you go…  All of a sudden you can’t make any decisions unless that person approves of your choice. 

Scenario 2 – You have spent half of your life arguing with your brother/sister and the other half not speaking with him/her.  You hate him/her, you’re sick of him/her, s/he’s just mean, mean, mean.  Well, maybe you luv him/her, because after all, s/he is your brother/sister.  But, s/he’s destroyed your life, hasn’t cared about you, forgotten your birthday, been totally insensitive to your needs, and s/he’s a selfish, rotten brat!  Oh, and the whole world is going to know it too!

Scenario 3 – Pressure – you feel pressured to have sex with your boyfriend/girlfriend or hook up without any commitment to any relationship/friendship. 

Scenario 4 – You live in fear, stuck with whatever you’re doing because you would rather not take any risks of changing.  After all, you might make a bad choice, worse than the already bad scenario you’re in now.  You hate your job or school, but why change if the next one might be worse?  You’ve got an abusive boy/girlfriend, but no else will love you, right? Fear keeps you stuck in dead-end relationships.

Scenario 5 – Abuse – you’ve been emotionally, physically, or sexually abused and the painful experiences consume your life.  Does s/he deserve your nearly endless energy/emotions/thoughts directed toward him or her?

TAKE YOUR PERSONAL POWER BACK.  We’re human beings.  Unfortunately, not everything in life is going to be perfect.  As I said, if it were perfect, then we would be angels. 

WE DO HAVE PURPOSE AND MEANING in our lives.  I am a firm believer in using whatever God-given talents we have to make this world a better place.  No one is meant to be the same as another.  Do we want to be a force for good or for… – No, I don’t even want to think about it. 

NO VALUE TO YOUR LIFE?

One of the saddest things that a person could say is that s/he has no value, no meaning, or purpose in his/her life.  I hear it more often than you could ever imagine.  Perhaps it’s because we are looking for something so grandiose that we lose focus of the small things that make a difference?  I’ll never forget standing in line at the grocery store before a major holiday.  The lines had to be fifteen people deep when I noticed a woman struggling to unload her cart.  A baby was sleeping in her arms and a toddler was fidgety and whining.  I walked from the back of the line to the front and offered my help.  The look of gratitude in her eyes and the relief I saw on her face were unforgettable.  As I zigzagged back to my cart several people said that they thought about helping her too.  (Obviously, they didn’t.)  It was a simple act, but it had value for me, and hopefully for the woman, too.  We can all do these simple acts of kindness. 

What are your talents?  How are you using your skills to make our world better? 

When you are in control of your personal power and use it for good, a spark of light shines in the darkness.

So, who have you given your personal power to?  How has it affected you?  How are you going reclaim it? 

Maybe you need to say, “No, I don’t want that drink.”  Or, “I want to go home (even tell the person you’re not feeling well – believe me, you’re not lying – cause you’ll feel a lot worse if you do something you don’t want to do!)

Maybe you need to say, “Yes, I am breaking up with you!”  “Yes, I can work one night this week and on Sunday, but I am trying to get into college so I need time to study.”

What words do you need to practice, say, and follow through on?

Perhaps? “I’m tired of being angry all the time.”  “I am not going to spend another minute thinking about how so-and-so hurt me.”  “I am in control of my life and with whom I interact.”  “I will no longer associate with so-and-so.”

These are just a few suggestions.  I know it’s not easy.  If you find yourself struggling, please speak to a trusted teacher, minister, counselor, or professional.  It’s time to take back your personal power!

Hope this helps! Liza

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How Can I Figure Out What To Do With My Life, When I Can’t Even Decide What To Wear?

Sometimes Classes Aren't Enough!

*First, thanks to a reader for suggesting this topic! <3

Perhaps you’re a student approaching the possible dreaded decision of what to do after high school.  Or, perhaps you’re in college and you haven’t declared a major yet. Okay, so let’s tackle these different scenarios.

You’ve already been asked about a million times what you’re going to do with your life, what college you’re going to attend, and/or what you would like to major in.  “Fun” isn’t exactly the answer most people would expect or appreciate, but you might have a little “fun” throwing it out there.  Lol.  “I don’t know,” is a viable answer, but most people don’t seem to buy into it.

You’ve been in college for two years, and you still don’t know what you want to do.  The four-year-plan seems to be looking more like the five or six-year-plan.  Now what?  Should you declare, even if you’re not sure you’ll be happy with your decision?

Here’s my best advice:

I’m not going to tell you not to worry about it, but I am going to tell you don’t spend too much time dwelling on it.  Plans can and do change, but having some kind of plan is helpful.

1.  Know yourself.  What are your interests?  Do you like to: Read, write, dance, sing, play a musical instrument, socialize, hibernate, debate, cook, play sports, paint, watch sports, sail, create science experiments…  Computers, films, fashion, the beach, photography, politics, your faith, warm weather, cold weather…

The more you know about yourself, the better decisions you can make.  If you want, make a list of you likes and dislikes.

2.  Be willing to explore.  You might think that you’d like to be a writer, but take the opportunity to try out different courses.  A cousin took a linguistics class her freshman year and fell in love with it.  She ended up getting a dual degree in business and linguistics.  Another friend was interested in being an English major, but she found that Art History were one of her most favorite courses.  Now she integrates Art History in her writing.  A family member uses www.ratemyprofessor.com and saw that an Archeology professor received high ratings.  He took the class and loved it.

Don’t be afraid to change majors. When I was touring colleges with my elder son we heard an admissions director say that 90% of all students change their majors.

3.  Use Internet and social media sites to learn about yourself, integrate your interests/passions, and connect with people.  Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, MySpace are all great social media sites, but how are you using them?  If they’re just for socializing with friends, then you’re missing a huge component that could help you figure out what you want to do with your life, or at the very least, utilize a talent that you possess.  Nicole, who started www.wordforteens.com in 2007 when she was thirteen, uses her passion for reading and has created a highly successful YA book blog.  It includes author interviews, giveaways, reviews, and some cool personal interests – she’s a Johnny Depp fan. J  Nicole utilizes social media sites like Twitter (555 followers as of today) to share her thoughts and connect with readers/authors!  Pretty amazing!  Blogging is a great way to share your interests with others.  Anyone can utilize social media sites like Nicole has – to connect with other people who have similar interests.  Want to know more about scuba diving? Use social media to learn more and it is an effective use of your time to discover what you do and do not like about a topic.

4.  Take responsibility for the decisions you make.  Want to know how this connects with figuring out what to do with your life?  It may seem simple, but it’s not.  If you make poor choices, the consequences can be severe.  How can you have direction if you are getting into trouble, drifting, vegging, doing drugs, binge drinking?  I can’t begin to tell you how many incredible, bright teens/YA end up making poor choices and find themselves in such difficult situations that they can’t dig themselves out – at least not for awhile.  The key is to ultimately take responsibility for the choices you make and THINK FIRST!  Do something active, positive, even if that means going on a walk through the mall to figure out what kinds of things you like and don’t like.  And gasp – do it alone so that you’re not influenced by what a friend thinks.    

5.  If you’re passionate about something, pursue your passion.  Please, please be passionate about something.  Apathy is your enemy.  Care about something!  Dogs? Art? Music?  A family member loves film/multi-media.  We encouraged him to use his talents to: 1. Start his own business, which he did when he was fifteen.  2. To find a college where he could excel in this area.  We knew that if he really loved film, then he would need to integrate it into his academic life too.  He’s now at BU in the Business Honors Program and getting a second degree in Communications with a focus on film.  If you don’t utilize your passions in some way, you’re going to be awfully unhappy.  Whether you find a club, play intramural sports, take art classes, join an a cappella group, find some way to engage your passions.

5.  I’ve said it in other articles on this blog, but it’s important to mention here, find mentors/role models!  You want to be the best writer?  Great, a wonderful ambition – maybe you’re close, maybe you’re interested, but don’t know how to get started, or maybe you’ve already won awards or have been published. If you really want to excel, continue to grow and learn, choose top authors and read their work – study it, digest it, understand it to the best of your ability.  This goes for many things in life.

6.  Surround yourself with people who have the same interests, but aren’t so competitive that they can’t be supportive.  Negative, self-centered, egomaniacs have a tendency to surround themselves with people who reflect their beliefs or whom they can bully/boss around.  Choose your friends wisely.  Don’t give your personal power up to anyone! (Look for a future blog piece coming soon!)

7.  Volunteer.  I’ve known many teens/YA who have discovered what they want to do with their lives through volunteer  work.  Many have used these experiences to get paying summer jobs.  There are thousands of non-profit organizations, many through churches and synagogues, that are in desperate need for volunteers.  Ask around your high school or college – I am certain you can find a perfect match for you. 

And last but not least… 

8.  Your experiences can shape who you are, but they don’t need to define you.  Mistakes happen.  Hopefully the consequences of those mistakes won’t be life changing.  Learn from them and move on.  People don’t make decisions or changes because of fear.  Most fears are in a person’s head.  Ask yourself what is or isn’t real and then be willing to at least explore different possibilities. 

Hope this helps.  :) Liza

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WISDOM FROM STARBUCKS

 Life Lessons from Teens to Seniors

I love connections and people’s stories.   I’m also a Starbucks addict.  If you’ve read this blog before, you know I’m not shy.  So, I had no problem walking up to complete strangers at various Starbucks and asking them to share some wisdom with the rest of us.  I was blown away!  Some of the most brilliant thoughts came from teens and young adults! 

The priceless question:  What has life taught you so far?

The answers:  Definitely worth your time – a lot of wisdom came from people waiting for a mocha or cappuccino!

Kelly, 28, “Spend time with the people you love because you don’t know what tomorrow will bring.”

Molly, 13, ON FRIENDSHIP: “When you have two friends who are fighting – stay out of it because they will put you in the middle and then you’re the one who will end up in the most trouble.  It’s okay to know that your best friend today may not be your best friend in the future.  Friends can change.  I lost my best friend because of a stupid mistake, but true friends are forgiving.  True friends also don’t focus on clothes and all the outer stuff.  Years from now, it won’t matter.  WHO YOU ARE INSIDE IS WHAT MAKES YOU A STAR!”

Also, don’t overreact because it’s pointless – a waste of energy – and in the end, it’s not nearly as important as you most likely thought it was.  Instead of wishing for life to be different, deal with the way things are. (Wishing doesn’t do anything – change only happens if you make it happen.)

Amanda, 25, “NOTHING LESS.  I read this phrase in my assignment notebook in sixth or seventh grade.  It struck me then, and it has stayed with me.  What it conveyed was a message that I should settle for nothing less than fulfilling my personal goals and dreams.  It motivated me.  As I got older, I continued to follow this idea.  The only thing that has changed is that I realized that sometimes you can alter your dreams as you go along the way.”

Isaac, 13, “Respect your friends.  Don’t yell at them or keep things bottled up.  It will only come out at another time or land on someone else that you care about.”

Jodi, 34, “Trust in who you are, and trust your heart.  Sometimes your head can get in the way, especially when you start wondering what other people are thinking.  Let that go and when you do, you’ll find that things fall into place.

Taylor, 14, “Boys can be stupid.  When they act like they’re interested in you, they’re not, and when they act like they aren’t interested in you, they are.  Why don’t they just say exactly what they mean!

Maureen, 62, “It’s important to find something to laugh about every day.  Surround yourself with people whom you enjoy and feel good to be around.  True friendship involves relationships that understand that things happen – we all go through a lot in life – so appreciate how precious life is and cherish each moment.”

Jamie, 45, “Never underestimate what (you can do) or what your children can do.  Your children are capable of so much more than you think; so don’t limit them with your perceptions.” 

Marnie, 30, “When you put anything on the computer, even when you think it’s private, it’s not.  Facebook, e-mail, Twitter etc. is not private.  If you don’t want the world to know about it, keep it off the computer – PERIOD!”

Hannah, 13, “Don’t put off your homework!  I had an assignment and had two weeks to do it.  I kept thinking that I had time to get it done and when I finally got around to doing it then night before, it was way too late.  I could have done a lot better.”

Jennifer, 46, “Don’t make drama where there is none, because doing so is unnecessary.  There’s enough real drama in your life to deal with without creating more.  Also, don’t play the “what if…” game if you’re going to focus on the negatives.  It doesn’t help you one bit in life!”

Judy, 63, “A person’s worst qualities can also be his/her best qualities.  For example, if someone is stubborn, this quality may mean she will keep at something until she gets it perfect – she will be driven to succeed.  On the other hand, being stubborn might lead to being inflexible.  A person needs to learn how to use these qualities for the best, and in the most positive way.”

How about sharing some of your own wisdom?  You don’t have to be at Starbucks to do so – just click on comments.  Thanks, Liza

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