This Isn’t Eyewear Fashion – LENSES Shape Who We Are
Apr 15th, 2010 by Liza Wiemer

The Lenses We See Through Might Leave Us Blind To What's Around Us

There are people in this world that just get under my skin.  You know… grrrrr, the proverbial experience of nails trailing down a chalkboard – highly grating and definitely frustrating.*  I’m certain there are people who feel the same way about me.

But here’s something very important for all of us to remember.

We all come to each and EVERY moment looking through different lenses.  Every experience is filtered – our perceptions, reactions, beliefs all stem from our experiences.  Situations that occur in our lives are based on those filters.

Filters are:

  1. Our childhood – the awesome, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
  2. Where we live and with whom we connect with every day and how these connections affect us.
  3. Our intimate experiences – and I’m not just talking about sex!
  4. Our friends/co-workers/teachers.
  5. The barriers we face – fear, lack of faith, lack of trust, low self-esteem, self-centeredness:  http://www.whorublog.com/?cat=7
  6. What we know – and I’m not just talking book-smarts.
  7. What we don’t know.

When we become aware of our filters, it becomes easier to ask questions, questions that we may not have readily known to ask because we are only looking through our “lenses.”  Sometimes we have to look deeply at what we perceive and why we react so strongly.

Imagine this post on Facebook:

Party at Ron’s house, Friday night 8 PM – NO LOSERS – that means you Maxine!

How does this affect you?  Does it make you angry?  Sad?  Does it make you laugh?  Is it no big deal?  Does it make you feel sick to your stomach? Would you go to the party?  Would you stay home or still go out, but not to the party?  –  What experiences have you had that makes you react the way you do to this post?

What if you hated** Maxine?  What if Maxine was your BFF?  What if your BFF hates Maxine, and you have no idea why – you just go along with it?  What if Maxine just broke up with Ron?  What if you are Maxine?

What are your lenses that have shaped you to see the world as you see it or react the way you react to a situation or to behave in a certain way – good or bad?  Once you know, then the next time you feel like a complete idiot or you get upset or make fun of someone else or continue to make the same mistake over and over again, or on the flip side you stick up for someone or you say no when you feel pressured to say yes, realize what lenses you came to the experience with and how those lenses have shaped you.  And hopefully, you would never, ever post something that would be hurtful or interpreted in away that causes another person pain – cause those lenses are ones no one should ever have to look through.

If you don’t like what you’re seeing through your lenses, the way you react, or the way you treat others or how they treat you, then recognize that it’s time for a new prescription.  Ultimately, you’re the optometrist!

*Though I might feel frustrated with someone, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t MY issue.  Most circumstances relate to how someone is treating a child or a peer!  I just can’t stand it when someone is horrible to another person!

**Hate is a very strong word, and I don’t use it lightly.  If you despise someone soooo much that you would act in a hurtful way toward another, please stop.  Think about it.  Hatred is always a vicious cycle.  No one ever wins.  It is a painful, destructive emotion that needs to be transformed.  It’s perfectly normal not to get along with everyone.  But targeting someone and justifying it is never okay!  There is always a price.  It could be someone’s life, it could be someone’s freedom, or self-esteem.  Hatred – anger – destruction.  That is not who you want to be!

5 Barriers that Affect Your Life
Jul 17th, 2009 by Liza Wiemer

Five Barriers that Affect Your Life:

Ask yourself the questions listed below.  Which ones most describe you?

Which ones explain how your friend(s) react(s) to situations?

Use this information to help you make positive changes in your life.   With this insight, understand your friend(s) better and treat him/her/them in a loving, positive way too!

The Barriers:

Lack of Trust
Low Self-Esteem or Feeling Unworthy
Lack of Faith
Self-centeredness (Egocentric)

We all have aspects of these barriers at some point in our lives. They become a problem when we develop a pattern in our actions and behavior. Most of the time, our patterns are the result of some experience, which hurt deeply.

Are you breathing? Good.
Keep it up.

Sometimes we get stuck, sometimes life isn’t what we hoped it would be.
Sometimes our emotions, circumstances, relationships are overwhelming. Sometimes we have no idea why.
This might help:

1. Are you afraid of change?
2. Is it easier to stay stuck in something you hate, then take a chance on something new?
3. Do you look at the negative possibilities first, and don’t think about the positive ones?
4. Do you worry about the “what ifs?”
5. Do you prefer others to make decisions?

Lack of Trust:
1. Did someone hurt you – wound you so deep – that it effects your relationships with others?
2. Did you hurt someone – wound them so deep – that you struggle in relationships?
3. Do you lie?
4. Did someone lie to you and hurt you to the core?
5. Did someone betray your trust?
6. After you complete an assignment, do you worry if you did it correctly?
7. Is it hard for you to trust your decisions – do you second guess yourself?
8. Would you rather do something yourself, then trust someone to do the work?

Low Self-Esteem or Feeling Unworthy:
1. Does constructive criticism hurt your feelings?
2. Do you seek approval and/or recognition from others?
3. When someone doesn’t return a phone call, text message, e-mail, do you wonder if it’s because you said or did something wrong?
4. Is it difficult for you to accept a compliment?
5. Are you overly sensitive to others behavior toward you, even if it’s his or her problem – not yours?
6. Do you compare yourself to others, and conclude that others are better than you? Why try to succeed, right? Or, you have to succeed, or you’ll be incredibly unhappy with yourself.
7. You find the negatives, even when you are successful, because you’re just not good enough! Can’t enjoy the success, right? even when you have it!
8. Do you gossip to feel better about yourself?
9. Did someone put you down, and you believe it?

Lack of Faith:
1. Do you need to have control over every situation because you believe that things won’t go okay or get done, without you doing them yourself?
2. Do you need to control your environment?
3. Is it hard for you to believe something is possible, without concrete proof?
4. Do you dismiss “small miracles” and chock it up to a no big deal “coincidence?”
5. No one is out there who can help you. Better to do it yourself.
6. Do you hate it when others try to help you? Or find it difficult to accept help from others?
7. Do you need to control others?

Self-centeredness (Egocentric)
1. Do you need to be better than everyone else?
2. Do you hate to lose at anything?
3. Do you cut other people down to feel important or challenge them on ideas to show your point-of-view is better?
4. Do you compare what you have – clothing, car, money – or the way you look to others? Do you feel bad if someone else has more or feel good, if you do?
5. Does constructive criticism make you feel irritated?
6. Do you need to give your opinion on pretty much everything, even when you really have no idea what you’re talking about?
7. Do you butt into other people’s conversations when you are clearly not welcomed?
8. When you give, do you expect something in return?

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