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Easy by Tammara Webber Discussion Questions for Mothers-Daughters, Sisters, Friends & Giveaway
Jan 10th, 2013 by Liza Wiemer

PAGE-TURNER THURSDAY

The New York Times Bestseller:

Easy by Tammara Webber

Readers Guide/Discussion Questions for

Mothers-Daughters, Sisters, Friends

International Giveaway:

Rules: 1 paperback copy of Easy. 18 and older. Outside of the US, only for countries where there is free shipping through The Book Depository. Ends January 18, 4 PM, CST. For more information, check the Rafflecopter.

EasyEasy by Tammara Webber is one of those books that may deeply alter a person’s life. It’s about love, relationships, and rape. Personally, any parent who is sending off a son or daughter to college would benefit from reading Easy. It should be read by sorority sisters and friends. Because what happens in Easy takes place EVERY SINGLE DAY! The events depicted in Easy need to be talked about. Daughters need to be prepared so that they can be proactive and safe just in case they run into a situation that could put them in harm’s way. Sons need to know how to have healthy relationships with young women. If you need guidance with that, then Easy is a helpful source, a launching point for discussion. You may not agree with everything that transpires. That’s okay. It’s about having the opportunity to create a dialogue with those you care about. If you don’t have someone to talk to about these issues or don’t feel comfortable doing so, then that’s okay too. Easy is an outstanding novel to help you formulate your own opinion.

As a parent, teacher, writer, I wanted to create my own guide to share with my friends. Now, I’m posting it on my blog. I personally have purchased Easy for several friends and their college-bound daughters to read and discuss. I was told by my friends that they each read Easy separately, then came together to discuss it. Both moms and daughters said their discussions was extremely helpful and meaningful because of this book.

Note: There also is a helpful publisher’s readers guide in the back of the book. The questions created by me were done before I saw the guide. Use them both.

Link to my Readers Guide – Discussion Questions for Mothers-Daughters, Sisters, Friends.

There are spoilers, so utilize the guide after you read Easy.

http://www.whorublog.com/?page_id=1696

From Goodreads:

Tammara Webber

Tammara Webber

Rescued by a stranger.
Haunted by a secret
Sometimes, love isn’t easy…

He watched her, but never knew her. Until thanks to a chance encounter, he became her savior…

The attraction between them was undeniable. Yet the past he’d worked so hard to overcome, and the future she’d put so much faith in, threatened to tear them apart.

Only together could they fight the pain and guilt, face the truth—and find the unexpected power of love.

To see my Goodreads review, click here: http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/443052366

To learn more about Tammara Webber and all her novels, please visit her website: http://tammarawebber.blogspot.com

(Mature Young Adult/ New Adult)

There are spoilers, so utilize the guide after you read Easy. http://www.whorublog.com/?page_id=1696

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Date Rape, Alex Knepper, is Rape – With or Without Alcohol, No Matter What…
Apr 7th, 2010 by Liza Wiemer

I personally know three young women, teenagers actually, who have been raped.

Each knew the perpetrator.

Only one involved alcohol.  Poor judgment – yes.  But to say that a young woman has no right to “cry date rape after you sober up the next morning” is ridiculous.  This is what American University’s Alex Knepper said in his controversial article published in AU’s The Eagle, titled Dealing with AU’s Anti-Sex Brigade.

Let’s get this straight: any woman who heads to an EI party as an anonymous onlooker, drinks five cups of the jungle juice, and walks back to a boy’s room with him is indicating that she wants sex, OK? To cry “date rape” after you sober up the next morning and regret the incident is the equivalent of pulling a gun to someone’s head and then later claiming that you didn’t ever actually intend to pull the trigger.

To see the full article, click here:  http://tinyurl.com/ycnup39

Alex Knepper is an articulate young man.  Few would want to face him on an opposing debate team…  He has a way of twisting words to make what he is really saying into something else, and I think most people would have a tough time arguing against his points.  This doesn’t mean that he is right.  Not even close.  He responded on national TV, addressing the firestorm of controversy.  See the following video of how, in my opinion, he twists his written comments to justify his words:


Watch CBS News Videos Online

It is absolutely ridiculous that Knepper asserts that a female who goes back to a guy’s room is “indicating” that  she is interested in having sex.  He stated in his TV interview that he said “indicating” because “men cannot know what women don’t tell them” and “at anytime a woman can say no.”  “At that point it constitutes rape.”

Many of these sexual encounters don’t take place in someone’s bedroom.  Sadly, these events are often public displays.  If a girl is so drunk, does she even know where she is?

Another obvious problem with Knepper’s statement is that if a woman is so inebriated it is impossible for her to give consent.  Without consent, then any intercourse is rape.  He mentions five glasses of jungle juice.  Is the guy standing there counting?  Is he handing them to the girl and watching her drink?  Even worse, is he slipping something into her glass so that she won’t even remember?  Unfortunately, this takes place every single day and the lines have been blurred so much that women in this situation are often not believed.  Take a look at this article titled:  Hook-up Culture At Boston University Leads To Skepticism About Sexual Assault – http://tinyurl.com/ykbphxt

Drinking and driving do not mix.  Sex and being wasted do not mix either.  The consequences can be dangerous and life altering.  I’ve written about this before in Binge Drinking, Hook-ups, and Self-Esteem http://www.whorublog.com/?cat=74

We need responsibility.  We need to think about our actions.  We need to think about the consequences.

We need respect.

Rape is not okay, with or without alcohol.

Almost Raped – A Teen’s Experience & How Her Best Friend Wasn’t So Lucky
Sep 9th, 2009 by Liza Wiemer

I WAS ALMOST RAPED, MY BEST FRIEND WASN’T SO LUCKY 

By Anonymous, (From the Midwest)

            My hands are shaking as I type this on my laptop and my stomach hurts.  I’m thinking about running to the bathroom, but I really want to get this done.

683,000 forcible rapes occur every year, which equals 56,916 per month, 1,871 per day, 78 per hour, 1.3 per minute
683,000 forcible rapes occur every year, which equals 56,916 per month, 1,871 per day, 78 per hour, 1.3 per minute

            She’s beautiful, 5’9” or 5’10”, thick black hair, great smile.   People say she could model.  She says her bones are too big.  (I’m going to call her Joy because that’s the way I’d like to think of her – she was always happy.)  I’m 5’3”, wavy brown hair, bones like a bird, and I weigh 103 lbs.  At the time this happened, we were both 17.

Over the summer Joy and I followed a particular band that we liked a lot.  We went to an outdoor concert and that’s where we met them.  Two gorgeous guys, cousins who actually looked like brothers.  We noticed that they were staring at us.  Joy stared back and I glanced over a few times.  I was flattered, nervous, excited, awed? 

They came over and offered us beer, which they had already had in their hands.  We took them.  I hate the taste of beer – it makes me gag – so I didn’t drink it.  (I spilled it out slowly when the guys weren’t looking.  It’s a trick I learned – if you spill a little at a time the guy thinks you’re drinking it.  I didn’t want him to buy me another one.  I even put it up to my lips occasionally so that they thought I was drinking.)  My friend finished some of hers. 

The rest of the night we talked, laughed a lot, and learned more about these guys.  They were hanging out for the summer – working, partying, going to hear bands.  Mike was staying with Jess and his roommate for the summer.  They were both 19 and in college.  At the end of the night we exchanged numbers.

The next day Joy received a call from Mike, inviting us to their place that afternoon.  I’ll save those details, but we said yes.  I was feeling really nervous about it, maybe because we didn’t really know them, maybe because they were older, maybe because somewhere deep inside I had a bad feeling about it and was trying to push it aside.  (It’s moments like this that I hate myself for not listening to my gut.) Joy told me to stop worrying about it, so I did – at least out loud.  She told me I needed to live more, have fun, stop being a @#&*.

So we went – what can happen to two BFF when they’re together, right?  That’s what I tried to convince myself.

Here’s what happened.

Mike asked Joy if she wanted to see something in his room and she said yes.  Jess and I were left standing there.  He took my hand and I followed him.  He wasn’t forceful or anything.  He had a nice smile.  We walked into his bedroom and put music on.  I was feeling really nervous, eyeing the bed and I stood there feeling frozen with my back against the wall.  Jess locked the bedroom door.  (Okay, I’m crying now.  Not then – I mean while I’m writing this.) 

Jess was looking at me and standing near the bed.  I was in complete panic mode, but didn’t say a word.  He started to take off his clothes.  First his shirt, then his pants, and then his underwear.  He must have seen the panic in my face, I can’t say for sure.  He didn’t move.

I don’t know how I found my voice, but I did.  This is what I said.  ‘I don’t want to do this.  I’m a virgin.  I want to stay a virgin.  So, please, please don’t do this.”  I didn’t cry, but I was definitely begging. 

Jess had this look of utter shock on his face and he asked me why I was a still a virgin.  His question surprised me.  Who talks to strangers about these things?  He started putting his clothes back on and sat down on the bed.  I think that I finally breathed, but still hadn’t moved.  So, I told him that I had never been truly in love with someone that I was willing to take the chance of having a baby with, that I believe in waiting for marriage, but wasn’t sure if I would.  The conversation was just as shocking as seeing him take off his clothes. 

He offered me a seat next to him on the bed and promised he wouldn’t touch me. We talked mostly about his hometown, college.  At some point, Jess told me that since we agreed to come over, he and Mike were thought we were interested in hooking up.  That’s when I started to worry about Joy.  She was a virgin too.  I wanted to leave, could have unlocked the door, but I didn’t. 

When we finally heard some noise outside the room, Jess unlocked the door and we went out.  Mike leaned over and gave Joy a kiss on the cheek and we said good-bye.  The second we got into the car I told Joy what happened.  I was so overwhelmed with my own experience that I admit that I didn’t completely pay attention to her – I should have.  Finally, I asked Joy what happened to her. 

“Nothing,” she said and she turned on my stereo. 

The truth is that I should have pushed her – I should have been a better friend.  I could see that she was upset, but didn’t want to talk about it.  The horrible truth is that I didn’t want to even think about what could have happened to her, because I was thinking about what could have happened to me. 

For the next few weeks Joy and I kept our same schedule, going out, and everything seemed normal.  We never mentioned Jess or Mike again.

Sometime later, Joy was in a @#%*! mood.  I asked her what her problem was – not so kindly.  ‘You, you’re my problem,’ she said.  ‘How the hell did you get away with saying no?’ 

At first her words didn’t register, but when she broke down crying, I put it together.  She refused to say exactly what happened, except that she had sex with him.  He had locked the door, taken off his clothes – pretty much the exact scenario as what I went through, but with different results.  She didn’t want to report it to the police.  No proof, no evidence.  Her word against his.  She did say no, but didn’t exactly fight him off.

So that’s it.  I haven’t talked with Joy in a long time.  We drifted a part and I can’t help but feel like I could have been a better friend.  Though I told her a few times, I can’t be sure she believes it.  I hope she knows that I’m really sorry.

A note from Liza Wiemer:  Rape is a horrible misuse of power, an act of violence against one human being over another.   At the time of this rape there had been no drugs or alcohol involved.  It even occurred during the day.  The statistics are staggering.  When I speak with young adults, both male and female, we talk about boundaries.  It doesn’t take much for someone to cross them, and alcohol and drugs blur the lines.  I have heard many stories about girls having sex with boys at parties because they were drunk.  If they were sober, it would never have happened.  Our bodies (males and females!) are not something to be used.  

Making love is the most intimate experience a human being can undertake and an incredible gift to be given every time.  It should be beautiful, wonderful, meaningful, amazing, enjoyable.  You should not feel dirty, depressed, hurt, violated, ashamed, embarrassed, or used.  It means something every time.  Think about it – what are you giving, what are you receiving and are you with someone YOU REALLY, REALLY CARE ABOUT!  If not, well… it just might be worthwhile to give the implications some serious thought.

September 21, 2009: In the original version of this blog entry I had said, “Rape is not about sex.”  I altered the statement because of the following comment, which I am quoting from a male friend of mine:   “Rape may be primarily about power, anger, dominance, but it is expressed as sex, especially date rape. The two are powerfully intertwined, and for (some men) hard to distinguish in the “heat” of the moment.  It’s also about heat. We use that word to refer to anger–a heated argument–but also sex–in heat, isn’t she hot, etc. (To say rape isn’t about sex also would be misleading) more so with alcohol and drugs. You don’t always see the line before (it’s crossed).”

My friend’s comment is extremely important because rape is rape.   Obviously the line gets blurry and crossed when one is impaired and that’s not okay.  This, I believe, is one of many reasons why so few women report the crime to police.  Lately, I’ve heard statistics as high as 1 out of 3 women may have lost their virginity this way.  The lowest statistic was 1 out of 6.  Both are staggering.  

Please share this story with others with the hope that more and more young women will be aware and hopefully protect themselves for this horrible, violent crime.

As always, your comments are welcomed.

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